Listomania! - 1984

Motorcycles - Lots of people love them. I'm not one of them. A friend of mine named Dave Cornell once let me drive his dirt bike when we were about 13. We were out in a field by our houses and there was 1 tree in the whole area. Well, you guessed it, I smashed into the tree with his new bike. The handlebars were bent all to hell and my self-esteem was bent out of shape too. I have had several friends and family members who have had motorbikes and taken me for a ride on them. Martina's brother Karel used to drive me to work on his racing bike sometimes. He thought it quite fun to accelerate at Apollo 11 speed with me on the back and listen for my screaming above the roar of the motor. My good friend Dave Elmore loves bikes too. I never took a ride on his because I know what a sadist he is and he would have taken great pride in scaring the shit out of me and then having years of laughter while telling the story. Anyway, the point is that 1984 reminds me of the Great Motorcycle Debacle of 1984. My buddy Scott Reid had bought himself a nice new bike that spring. He shared a love of the band Simple Minds with yours truly, so I got tickets for us to go. They didn't play London because they weren't April Wine or Max Webster, the only 2 bands who ever played in London. (There were more, but not many. It just seemed like those bands came to town every 6 months.) The concert was in Kitchener at the newly-opened Centre In The Square. Scott had a brilliant idea! Why don't we go to the show on his motorcycle? You see, I had no car in those days and was in no position to complain about the mode of transportation. I was very nervous about the trip, but tried to steel myself and just go with the flow. I waited for Scott out front of my place, along with Debbie and the kids. He pulled up and handed me a helmet. I took it and was about to put it on when I realized that there was no visor on it. It was a beat-up older model and, again, it had no visor! My fears of bugs in the eyes were allayed though when Scott suggested that I wear my sunglasses to keep them out. Well, now I felt better! He assured me that all would be fine and all I had to do was hang on for the ride. It was a beautiful day, sunny and warm, so what could possibly go wrong? We started off toward the 401. It wasn't long before I realized that all I had to hang on to was a very tiny little u-bar at the back of the seat. I asked Scott about this and he quelled my trepidation by suggesting that he was a great driver (he actually was) and told me to relax. Despite swallowing about 3000 bugs, I tried my best to get into a Zen state. About halfway there, I asked him to pull over to the side of the highway. He cheerfully complied, thinking that perhaps I wanted to smoke a joint to enjoy the ride more. Now, in those days, if I was awake, chances are that I was high, but my reason for pulling over wasn't to partake of the sacred herb. It was because I was hanging on to that u-bar for dear life and my fingers had cramped up and were killing me. I got off the bike and pried my fingers open and they were quite sore. Scott was laughing his ass off and said that when we resumed the trip, I should hang on to his waist. Being a classic homophobic male, that idea seemed funny to me. He insisted that we spark up the doobie and I would see just how wonderful everything was. So, we smoked it and got back on the bike. Now, real true paranoia had overtaken outright fear by about a nose. I held on to his jacket, but I was pulling so hard on it, he kept going off balance. so, he kindly suggested that I return to hanging on to the 2" u-bar. We finally got to the show and I thanked whatever Supreme Being there might be for small mercies. The show was fantastic, with China Crisis opening up and being amazing and then Jim Kerr and the guys putting on a monster of a performance. I must say that I didn't thoroughly enjoy it as I should have though. The spectre of the trip home hung over me like the sword of Damocles the whole time. I kept trying to think of ways to get home without riding on that 2-wheeled death machine. There were several gorgeous women at the concert, so at intermission, I started chatting them up to see if any of them happened to live in London and perhaps I could hitch a ride home with them. I checked to see if I had enough money to grab a train or bus home. But, all my efforts ended in abject disappointment. When the show ended, Scott and I walked outside. It was pouring cats and dogs out there, so I saw an opening and told Scott that maybe we should just go to a bar in Kitchener and hang out until it let up. He informed me that he couldn't do this as he had to work early the next morning and needed to get home. So, we hopped on the bike and started off. I had my arms around his waist as the rain pelted down, blasting my face to smithereens. It really hurt and then I noticed it was hurting even more. Oh lovely, it had started hailing golf balls! He yelled at me to tuck my face into his jacket and keep my head down. He was driving at top speed now, passing everybody like they were standing still. It was very hard to see and there seemed to be far too many trucks on the highway that night. I was going. "whooooooaaaaaaaa!!!!" every time we passed a truck as it would soak me to the skin with the spray coming off the tires. We finally made it back to London and Scott took us to a bar in the north end of the city called Bumpers. I got off the bike and my fingers had again cramped up and I was soaked and sweating and ill. There were some friends of ours at the bar and they took one look at me and started cracking up. Scott then entertained them all with the story of our Kitchener adventure, leaving everyone in tears, except me, because I had been crying all the way home already. We stayed for a bit and then a guy who lived near me said he was leaving. Knowing that he had a car, I asked for a lift home and he gladly obliged. I am still grateful to this day to Buddy Booth for that ride home. Scott was, of course, pissing himself laughing and couldn't wait to get to work the next day and regale the fellows with this story. My daughter runs into him occasionally and he still loves to tell that tale of woe. As for the music of 1984, it was much less harmful to me than that bike ride from Hell. Here's the list:

10. Hero Takes A Fall - The Bangles

I remember seeing this video and I was hooked! I mean, a catchy Power-Pop tune done by hot chicks with Rickenbackers! I was not a huge fan of the band, but I liked a couple more songs after this. They lived in the shadow of the more famous Go-Gos, but on their next record, they stepped out of that shadow with the Prince-penned Manic Monday. This song has several selling points for me, a great melody, a great guitar riff and Susanna Hoffs. I think there were 3 other girls in the band (the bass player was not bad either) but I only had eyes for Susanna Hoffs. She was totally smoking hot and could sing pretty OK too. She could have recited the eye chart and it would have sounded great, I suppose, but this is a fine little tune in its own right. By the way, Google Ms. Hoffs and you will see that she is still smoking hot at 51. "Your mother told you stories, you substitute with girls who tell you more. Suddenly your sycophants are chanting slogans at your door." My mother told me a lot of stories, but I lacked in the sycophant department.

9. You Can't Get What You Want (Till You Know What You Want) - Joe Jackson

This song is not easily defined. Is it Jazz? Well, Jackson had delved pretty deep into Jazz by this time. Is it Funk? Well, the slap-bass and scratchy guitar say it is. It has an almost Steely Dan feel to it, with fantastic musicians playing the most precise chord-changes and solos. I mean, just take a listen to the horns on this tune. Bloody amazing! The sax player is just killer. Jackson plays the piano like the pro he is too and his vocals have softened a lot from the I'm The Man days, but he knows how to phrase this sound just right. I quite love this song and have been known to groove around the living room when it's on, all the while trying to keep the beagle from humping my leg. "Sometimes you can't see that all you need is one thing. If it's right, you could sleep at night, but it can take some time, but at least I'm here in line." Still waiting.....

8. Speed Your Love To Me - Simple Minds

From the Sparkle In The Rain album, which was their first U.K. #1, this song was the opening number when I saw them in Kitchener. It is a big change from their earlier synth sound. This is made for stadiums, all booming drums and big keyboards and rocking guitar lines, even lots of cowbell. Jim Kerr plays this like a preacher, calling his flock to have faith and belief, sometimes falling to his knees to exhort us on. His vocals are more urgent than on previous records and guitarist Charlie Burchill plays a bigger role, weaving that guitar in and out of the verses. It was produced again by Steve Lillywhite, but the production job on this record is sub-standard in my eyes as he buries the bottom end, especially the bass, under a lot of bombast. They were my fave band at the time this was released, but it was the beginning of the end of my fandom, as often happens to me when bands get too popular and pander to the masses. "Love to see the fires in motion, love to feel the free world turn tonight." Did the earth move for you dear?

7. The Unforgettable Fire - U2

War had moved a lot of units, as they say in the music biz. This album cemented U2 as superstars. They were seeking to expand their sound and their musical chops, so they went to Brian Eno and asked him to twiddle the knobs for this record. He was reluctant at first, but agreed to produce it with his engineer, Daniel Lanois. It is my favourite U2 record and this title track is my favourite song on it. It is majestic in its beauty, washing over the listener with waves of strings and keyboards. Yes, this was the first U2 record to feature keyboards, played by Edge and Eno. It is a much more abstract sound than New Year's Day or I Will Follow and Bono's lyrics were more personal than political, especially on this song. In my opinion, it is the most gorgeous song they have ever done, including the later hit One. "Stay this time, stay tonight in a lie, I'm only asking but I think you know." Stunning!

6. Church Not Made with Hands - The Waterboys

I love the title of this song enough to include it on this list for that reason alone. Another Irish band with religious overtones in their lyrics, The Waterboys were largely all about leader Mike Scott. He had a way with words and the ability to turn every song into an anthem. This song is one of my fave tunes to warble along with, whether in the shower or at the dog park. It starts off with uptempo acoustic guitars before exploding into technicolour horns and rolling piano, played by future World Party leader Karl Wallinger. The lyrics are so intelligent and moving, filled with blatant Christian imagery as they may be. It is a most gorgeous and sweeping epic, from their best album, A Pagan Place "She is everywhere and no place, her church not made with hands." Holy Mother of Mary!

5. Rattlesnakes - Lloyd Cole & The Commotions

This is the title cut from the debut album by these sons of Glasgow. I love the steely acoustic guitar sound they get on this song and the great string parts arranged by Anne Dudley, who later played with The Art Of Noise and other ZTT bands. But, it's the lyrics and Cole earnest delivery that are the stars here. His studies at university, namely Philosophy and English, are front and centre in these words. He name-drops Simone De Beauvoir and Eva-Marie Saint in this song and that interested me enough to give this album a listen back then because I love On The Waterfront and Jean-Paul Satre, who was De Beauvoir's partner for many years. I also love the little orchestral flourish after the "Love is all you need" line that mimics the Beatles' song. "Jodie wears a hat although it hasn't rained for six days. She says a girl needs a gun these days, hey, on account of all the rattlesnakes." I could'a been a contender!

4. The Killing Moon - Echo & The Bunnymen

I remember seeing a live clip of these guys on the New Music and singer Ian McCulloch was wearing the coolest black cape. So, I went to the thrift store and bought the next coolest black cape and wore it lots through the next 4 or 5 years. Now, that was fashion! This song is good on the album, but much better on the 12" single. The strings are fleshed out so much more and the guitar sounds like it could have been taken right out of a Clint Eastwood spaghetti western. It is a Gothic, moody, brooding piece of music, suitable for dancing by yourself or for late nights with the headphones on, stoned and alone. They hired a 35-piece orchestra to record this and the results are just perfection to these ears. McCulloch lays down his usual impeccable vocal and I would advise you to go now and give this gem a listen. "Fate, up against your will, through the thick and thin. He will wait until you give yourself to him." Pretty scary, eh kids?

3. So. Central Rain (I'm Sorry) - R.E.M.

This is from the 2nd album, Reckoning, again produced by Mitch Easter. I first heard this song on David Letterman when they performed it before the record came out. Stipe was a mass of curly hair which hid his face and he sang with his mouth right against the microphone, making the lyrics pretty much an afterthought as the only part I could understand was the "I'm sorry" part. This is Southern Gothic in every sense of the word. It sounds like what I imagine the South to feel like from reading O'Connor and the like - kind of weird and mysterious. It is a beautiful melody and the playing is first-rate and, typical of this band at the time, understated. Peter Buck is awesome, especially the opening riff. "Did you never call? I waited for your call. These rivers of suggestion are driving me away." How about the oceans of hints? Seas of clues? Oh, never mind.....

2. Waters Part - Let's Active

Oh, so '60s! Did the Byrds re-form? Bloody hell! This is good! Lovely, jangly guitars, all bendy and twangy and delicious! From their debut album Cypress, this is the one song I would play if I knew someone who had never heard of Mitch Easter or this band. He obviously wears his influences on his sleeve, from the aforementioned Byrds to Big Star, but those are some brilliant sleeves! The pounding toms at the 3:20 mark, the harmony vocals, it's just all too freakin' fantastic! I'm moved to put a lot of exclamation marks in this post! I love the hint of a Southern twang in the vocals too. How did this not sell a million copies? It is certainly 5 minutes well-spent! "The waters part when our eyes see together." Jose can part the water while he writes a song......

1. My Ever Changing Moods - The Style Council

This song would definitely be on my top 10 of all-time list. It is my fave dance song, one of the best to sing along to, and my fave Weller song too. I love the melody, the energy, the sentiment - oh hell, just everything about it. For all those Jam fans who were crying in their Strongbow about the lack of guitars in his new music, this even has a guitar solo, albeit a truncated and jazzy one, rather than evoking Eton Rifles or Strange Town. Steve White is brilliant on the drums, most certainly on the rapid fire fills throughout the tune. There is a kick-ass horn section too, giving the song some punch and soul. But, the lyrics are the show-stealer here. Weller is expressing his doubts and reservations about Thatcherite England, blaming the tabloids and the government and the bullshit being fed by organized religion for people's moodiness and self-doubt. It is, ultimately, a song of hope though and my feet must move every time I hear it.

"Evil turns to statues - and masses form a line
But I know which way I'd run to if the choice was mine
The past is knowledge - the present our mistake
And the future we always leave too late
I wish we'd come to our senses and see there is no truth
In those who promote the confusion for this ever changing mood"

You can always find me a little left on the dial.....